I didn’t think a book on psychology written in the 1980s would help someone prepare for federal prison. But Influence by Robert Cialdini has become one of the most important tools I use with clients. Not because it’s clever—but because it’s real.
Earlier this week while reading The Land of Stories: The Wishing Spell with my daughter, I came across a line that stopped me cold. Snow White says to her imprisoned stepmother: “Outside these prison walls, the world refers to you as the Evil Queen.” Her stepmother replies, “If that is what the world has labeled me, then that is the name I shall learn to live with. Once the world has made a decision, there is little anyone can do to change its mind.”
That line captured how many people feel once they’re convicted. After a plea deal or a guilty verdict, after the DOJ issues its press release, a person is labeled: felon, fraudster, convict. And for many, that label feels final.
But it’s not.
The world may move on, but you don’t have to live in that version of your story forever. The underdog’s edge is this: you stop trying to convince the world, and you start showing them something better.
That’s where Influence comes in. Whether you’re preparing for sentencing or already home from prison, the six principles of influence are tools—not tricks—to help you tell a different story through your actions. They help you shift the narrative not by debate, but by demonstration.
Here’s what the book is, and why it matters to you.
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion is based on Cialdini’s research while working inside places that live and breathe persuasion—car dealerships, charity fundraising offices, telemarketing centers. He wasn’t sitting in a lab. He was watching how persuasion works in the wild. And he found that all effective influence boils down to six principles:
- Reciprocity
- Commitment and Consistency
- Social Proof
- Authority
- Liking
- Scarcity
Let’s break them down with real examples from the book, the opposing mindset many default to, and a question you can ask yourself as we go.
1. Reciprocity – Give First
The cynical mindset: “I’m the one going through this. They should be helping me.”
What the book shows: Cialdini observed how even unwanted gifts can trigger a sense of debt. The Hare Krishnas gave away flowers at airports, which people didn’t ask for—but still, many gave donations. Why? Reciprocity is hardwired into us. People feel compelled to return favors, even when they didn’t ask for the favor to begin with.
He also describes a study where people were more likely to buy raffle tickets from someone who had first given them a soda. It didn’t matter if they liked the person—it only mattered that they’d been given something first.
Application: Many defendants wait until they’re desperate to ask for help. Then they’re frustrated when no one replies. But people don’t move because you’re in crisis—they move because you gave them a reason to care. Send updates. Share growth. Thank them before asking. Set the tone by leading with generosity.
Question: Who have you given to in this process before you asked for anything in return?
2. Commitment and Consistency – Document the Pattern
The cynical mindset: “My lawyer said I only need to worry about the letter to the judge.”
What the book shows: In the famous yard sign study, researchers found that people who agreed to place a tiny sign in their window were 400% more likely to later agree to a large billboard on their lawn. That first small action created a desire to be consistent with their prior behavior.
Cialdini emphasizes that once people commit—especially publicly—they seek to behave in ways that reinforce that commitment. That applies to ethical choices, health behavior, even opinions about themselves.
Application: When you take small actions—like attending a recovery group, or keeping a journal, or apologizing in writing—you are building a story of growth. The longer that pattern continues, the more persuasive it becomes. Judges don’t respond to sudden promises. They respond to consistent conduct over time.
Question: What small act of growth can you start today—and repeat consistently for the next 30 days?
3. Social Proof – Show Them You’re Not Alone
The cynical mindset: “The judge doesn’t care what my friends or coworkers think.”
What the book shows: Cialdini ran multiple studies showing that people conform to perceived group norms. Whether it was hotel guests reusing towels or shoppers choosing products labeled “most popular,” the effect was consistent: we trust the behavior of others when we’re unsure.
He even showed that fundraising campaigns saw more donations when they displayed lists of other contributors. The amount didn’t matter. The fact that others gave first did.
Application: If you’re trying to show a judge, or a licensing board, or a future employer who you are—don’t do it alone. Recruit others to vouch for you. And not with clichés. Ask them to describe what they’ve seen: the changes, the humility, the time you showed up when you didn’t have to.
Question: Who outside your family can testify to your growth—and how specific can they be?
4. Authority – Borrow It If You Must
The cynical mindset: “Why do I need experts to tell my story? I’m living it.”
What the book shows: Cialdini references the Milgram experiment, where participants gave increasingly severe shocks to strangers (they were fake shocks, but the participants didn’t know that)—simply because a man in a lab coat told them to continue. The result: people obey authority even when it feels wrong.
We trust perceived experts. In advertising, this shows up with actors in white coats. In real life, we defer to those who appear credible and competent.
Application: When you involve a therapist, an ethics instructor, a religious leader—someone who is trained to evaluate people and vouches for your progress—it gives your case added weight. You’re not just saying you’ve changed. You’re showing that someone respected in society believes it too.
Question: Who is one respected authority who could help you tell your story?
5. Liking – Stop Polishing, Start Connecting
The cynical mindset: “This isn’t the time to be emotional. Just keep it professional.”
What the book shows: In a study of negotiators, those who shared personal information (like favorite foods or hobbies) were more likely to reach agreement. Why? Because when we like someone—even a little—we are more likely to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Cialdini emphasizes that similarity, compliments, and cooperation increase liking—and that liking increases persuasion. In other words, if they relate to you, they’ll hear you better.
Application: Your story is not just about the facts of your crime. It’s about the arc of your humanity. Don’t script your allocution. Speak with clarity, but also vulnerability. Share your daughter’s question, your fear before surrender, the thing that woke you up.
Question: What is one real, honest moment that would help someone understand your heart—not just your crime?
6. Scarcity – Make It Urgent
The cynical mindset: “If people care, they’ll act. I shouldn’t have to follow up.”
What the book shows: Scarcity creates value. In one example, Cialdini cites how a beef wholesaler increased orders by 600% just by saying the supply was limited. People didn’t want to miss out.
We’re motivated not just by opportunity, but by the fear of losing opportunity.
Application: Don’t be vague when asking for help. Be clear, short, and deadline-driven. “Would you be willing to write a letter by Friday?” “I’m submitting materials next Tuesday—can I count on you?” That urgency moves people. Without it, even your supporters forget to act.
Question: Have you given the people who want to support you a clear reason to act—now?
You’re Always Influencing
The DOJ may have labeled you. The headline might live on Google forever. Some people may never forgive you. But you don’t have to carry that narrative forever.
The Evil Queen in the children’s book said, “Once the world has made a decision, there’s little anyone can do to change its mind.” I disagree. You just need to stop trying to change the world’s mind—and start showing them a better story.
The underdog doesn’t win by matching Goliath’s strength. They win by using a sling—and strategy. You don’t need to convince everyone. You need to convince the right few. That’s how real influence works.
—Justin Paperny
